Getting what you want

"I think it is always really hard to get what you have always ever wanted if you can still remember how hard it was to see everyone around you getting that thing while you were left wanting. I always secretly hated those people who got what I wanted. The hatred didn't last long, it was just a quick feeling of jealousy and sadness. I know this is considered coveting and it is an actual commandment that I am breaking. I get it, I break the commandments. I am working on it. Whenever I tell Lincoln "so and so is pregnant" all I really want him to say is, "those jerks, didn't they know we have been trying longer. How inconsiderate of them to get pregnant first!" However, I have a very kind hearted husband who happens to know what is on my mind when I tell him these things and instead tells me, "that's great, they will make wonderful parents." He then says, "was that the right thing for me to say?" This is seriously what goes on time and time again after each pregnancy I hear of. He is trying to tame the beast. The only reason I know how hard it is to get something that you always wanted, like I mentioned at the beginning of this post, is because I am married. I remember wanting to be married and having such a hard time figuring out how to fit my plans into the life that I had..."

I was looking back at my archives of this blog, and I came across this post that I never finished. I have many posts that I started, but never published for fear of embarrassment. I always seem to share too much and when it comes time to post it, I freeze. I promise, I write so much more than what this blog has shown, but I seem to make posts like the one you just read far too often. I am sharing this now, because it doesn't seem as embarrassing to me anymore.

I never want to forget that deep desire I had to have a baby. I wanted it SO bad, and before that, I wanted to be married to a wonderful husband. The other day, my mom and I were talking and she pointed out that all my dreams have basically come true. I don't know what I did to get these things. I am so grateful and humbled to have my beautiful son and husband. There will always be things that we want, but we can't forget to look back and realize what we have gotten. It makes me so sad to think about all the dear friends I have lost due to our circumstances in life. We just have different things we are working on right now and we don't seem to fit into each others lives. And just as my old post says, I know there are a few of you who might wonder why I got what you want. I know I had a hard time with the girls before me who got the things I wanted. Lincoln doesn't get why girls do that to each other. Why we just can't be happy for one another and not bothered that we are not living the other person's life. I don't know if it the desire to live the other person's life so much, as it is living our life with the blessings that we so badly want. I don't know why I have a wonderful husband and a son and so many other amazing women are waiting to be wives and mothers. I don't take anything for granted. I realize that I could so easily be alone left wanting.

On this mother's day, my first official mother's day, I am reminded of how special my baby is. I am reminded by my old post of how badly I wanted him. I hope I will never forget that desire and the honor it is to be a mother. I know the time I had waiting for my boys made me a stronger person. Hopefully a better mom and a more loving wife. I know that our Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us. I don't know all the reasons why I have the path he has laid out for me. I know that through him all things are possible. I love where my life has taken me, even if I had to wait awhile. I know that it was worth the wait. Funny enough, I only wrote this post one month before I got pregnant with Clark. I guess we just never know what is right around the corner.

Happy Mother's Day.

Like mother, like son

When Lincoln and I first got married, he noticed that I have a funny habit of tucking my thumb under my pointer finger. I don't realize I do this, and I almost always do it in my sleep or when I am relaxed. Apparently, it is Lithuanians version of giving someone the bird. Lincoln went to Lithuania on his mission, and he thought it was so funny that I would do this gesture. Fast forward a few years and imagine our surprise when we started to notice Clark doing the same thing!! I love my little boy.

Clark also has adopted my sleep habits. He is a really bad sleeper at night, but wants to take cat naps during the day. He is such a sweet and peaceful sleeper during the day... if only that would transfer to the nights.

He may have my thumb habits and my sleeping habits, but he has his daddy's smile. He is so expressive and handsome.

Now, we just need to wait and see if he gets our other funny habits. Let's just hope he doesn't get my annoying habit of never putting the toilet paper roll on the dispenser.

baby, baby, baby, baby

Bruce is Meryn's baby, Margo's baby Bryn, Nikki's baby Grant, and my little guy Clark.

Each of my sisters and I had a baby last year. It wasn't planned, but when you are all in the baby making age, it is bound to happen. This Christmas, that is how long it has been since I posted, we took pictures of our precious new additions wearing onesies that my BFF Sarah bought for me. Clark is only 1 month old in these pictures. I can't believe how much he has grown. It will be fun to take pictures of these kids as they grow. They have already changed so much. I am so happy to be in such good company with my sisters, sister-in-laws, cousins, and friends who are having babies. I need all the advice and help I can get.

Clark Eric Fielding coming onto the world

I admit, I have REALLY slacked in the blog department. I don't have much more to say on the matter, so I will jump right in on trying to catch everyone up on the last 9 months with some belly shots.

Here I am at like 12 weeks or so. Believe it or not, I really thought I was showing a little. Now, looking back, I realize I was just crazy. During this time I was always feeling sick and eating tons of Saltenes.

Here I am at 17 weeks. I was starting to feel huge and a little worried that I was looking fat rather then pregnant. Lincoln had to constantly reassure me that I was looking pregnant and not just chubby. I have to admit, I was a little needy and emotional during this time in my pregnancy.

Here I am on my birthday at 21 weeks. I felt pretty good at this point thinking that I wasn't looking fat as much as actually pregnant. It was such a weird feeling and I was starting to really like my belly.

I am 24 weeks and enjoying a great weekend in MI with Lincoln, his parents and my grandparents. I loved digging a big hole in the sand and laying on my stomach with my belly in the hole. I was starting to feel borderline huge at this point and started to actually think, "how much bigger can I get?" Boy, was I in for a shock when I started to get really big.

This is my sad attempt at getting a picture of myself at 37 weeks. I was starting to realize that I didn't have many pictures of my belly and I thought I needed to take matters into my own hands. The up shot really shows how big I was getting.

This is actually the same day as the picture above. I just find it funny that I got ready so fast for work that I didn't realize how much of my stomach showed between my shirt and pants. I had to go home for lunch and put on my belly band. All my clients up to my lunch break thought it was so funny how my belly stuck out.

The next two are pictures of me at about 38 weeks. I had the most swollen feet that day. I was really starting to feel huge and a little sad that I still had two weeks to go. I don't think I realized how hard it would be to be so big!

I have really enjoyed watching my body change, ok, so it has been a little harder than I thought it would be. However, I keep reminding myself that it is because of the little guy growing inside of me. I am so excited to have this baby and hold him in my arms.... and not my belly.

Ariel is the worst

I have always had a thing against Princess Ariel. Lincoln thought I was crazy until he came across this.

Besides all that, she hangs out in a shell bra like it is no big deal. Seriously, that girl has issues.

If you can't see the entire thing, check it out here. http://www.boingboing.net/assets_c/2010/05/s3Pro-32442.html

Finally . . .

...I am writing a blog post...
...I am writing about this...
...I get to write about this...
...this actually happened...



Disclaimer- You have just witnessed a very emotional girl minutes after she found out that she was FINALLY pregnant. I realize that girl didn't look amazing in the least. What with no makeup and my hair not done. Not to mention I decided to be filmed while wearing a color that matched not only my skin tone but my hair too. In fact, I think I looked sort of like this guy. Minus the weird mouth sores.
















I don't know why I started to talk about taxes or my age (I am a little obsessed with that) or my boobs, I was just really overwhelmed. Needless to say, Lincoln and I are REALLY excited. I am 12 weeks today and the baby is due November 11.
What they say about feeling better once the first trimester ends is so true. I felt awful at first, but I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.I have really struggled with this topic for so long, and I can't believe I am finally pregnant. I am so grateful for all the support and love that each of you gave me. I am so excited!!